women's lib

It feels cliche to bitch about being a girl, but sometimes it just fucking sucks. I feel proud to say many of my closest girlfriends are amazing, strong women. They have 401Ks, books on home electrical repairs, and car payments as well as vintage apron collections, candles on the tub rim, and unapologetic crafty hobbies like knitting and canning. We've made a statement (and a lifestyle) out of juxtaposing the stereotypes. We seem to know exactly what kind of women we are until we have to factor in men. I've done it, myself, acted out of politeness and expectations only to cry over my choices on the other side. A marriage or a one-night stand, it's the same. By getting wrapped up in what he and I were supposed to be to each other, I forgot who I was.

Women of my generation are suppose to feel grateful we were born now, after the brigade of liberators has already marched through. Our predecessors felt guilty about abandoning motherhood and homemaking for careers and life-long dating. We feel guilty when we realize we've let them down--that we're still trying to be the women men are looking for. There are songs about being true to ourselves and we've all sung along into the viscous breeze of open car windows. The tunes come back to haunt us when we realize we've catered to expectations of what a good woman is. We put on and put out and hate ourselves for it--after all, we knew better, right?

But today I'm thinking perhaps those moments and those lessons can't be learned by an innocent on-looker. You have to live it. You never really understand how to stand tough until you've been conquered once or twice. It takes some tears, and some uncomfortable lessons, but when you're a woman, I think, you have to be your own liberation.