lunch break

Recently I’m starving. I started eating my lunch at 11:52 and finished the entire thing as the clock hit 11:59. I couldn’t wait another second. I didn’t even make it until noon. By 12:08 I’m at the downstairs vending machine for yogurt-covered pretzels. The nutrition label says “Servings Per Container about 3” and I know for fact I will be back at my desk and finish the entire bag by 12:15. What is wrong with me? These days I just want to eat; eat and sleep—yeah, I’m exhausted, too. Usually I’m the opposite in the summer—salads, a handful of blackberries on a mid-day hike, tall ice waters. Something’s off. I wonder if it’s the energy of summer wearing me out. I’ve been thrashing around trying to keep my life in motion—house remodeling to be done, rooms to be painted, berries to pick/process/freeze, training for the triathlon, socializing, dog-walking, plant watering (twice during the scorching days), writing to keep up with, ambiguous plans with an even more ambiguous “boyfriend” to make…I’m tired. I feel life rolling forward, peeling off me like a page-a-day calendar. I want a pause button; I’m desperate for an afternoon nap.

I feel like an idiot whining about this. As I re-read my to-do list between the dot-dot-dots above, I feel pathetic. Compared to, um, just about anyone else, my life is simple and calm. My head literally shakes involuntarily with disbelief. I have no idea how people (world leaders, entrepreneurs, surgeons, parents) do it. People are starving, for real. People are exhausted, too. Me, clearly, I’m just bitching. I need more snacks…